True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
