In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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