Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
