No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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