If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
