so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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