I look better un-naked...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
