Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
