I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
