Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
