I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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