I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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