some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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