very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
this hospital has no fireball
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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