I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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