Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
