Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
