I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
