I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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