Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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