and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
