just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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