margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were destined to go to rehab together
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
