so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My vagina just recognized that song.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
