tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Even the bartender felt bad for me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
