I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
