As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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