You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize