He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
