i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize