I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
