i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
