stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
