my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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