girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
