how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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