My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
