you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
