Cold hands, warm shart.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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