My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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