Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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