OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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