Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
