Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
