yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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