I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
