We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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