look no pants
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
