You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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