you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
