He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
