he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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