I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
