Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
