Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
