the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
