Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
