i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
