Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
