How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
