I'm gonna have a badass scar
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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