i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
