Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
