I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
