my soul wont recognize me after tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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