My nipple is on Facebook.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
