I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
