Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
