I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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