nut hugger
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
