mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
