I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
