the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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