Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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