Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
