ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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