Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im part way to drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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